Rejection - who is at fault for it?
by Safih Choat

Judgments about you often reflect others' projections rather than you. This tendency happens naturally across generations.
 

We were taught by our family, friends, and society to compare ourselves to others in order to assess our worth and improve ourselves, often using them as examples to follow.

Who doesn't remember being a kid and hearing our parents say things like:
 

- "You need to be like your classmate! Look how polite he is, with such good manners and nice clothes, unlike you in those torn trousers!"

- "You should take inspiration from my friend's daughter. She takes care of herself, wears beautiful dresses, and always has her nails perfect! With that short hair, you look like a boy!"

- "You should aim for a job in a big company, build a career, and get married, rather than living your life like a nomad and just having fun! Look at our neighbor—he has a beautiful car and a lovely family!"
 

I bet at this moment you’re recalling similar instances saved in your memory!
 

While using others as a mirror has been necessary at some point and for a good intention —helping us learn to eat, walk, behave with good manners, and be kind—it's important to remember that our worth is not solely defined by comparisons to others.
 

However, like a weed, printing your reasoning which is built until you are around seven years old like a dry river being the base of our personality where the experiences will fill this river formed, these weeds continue to grow within you, taking root and influencing your daily thoughts, behaviors, decisions, perceptions, and emotions leading you to believe by practicing this taught view day by day, year by year since you were born that everyone else’s opinion is always more relevant than your own.

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The consequences begin to manifest as frustrations and rejections, draining your energy and mood. This negativity can sour the atmosphere for those around you, potentially leading to depression. There are various levels of reactions to this cycle.
 

You may find yourself believing that you had a bad day, feeling powerless, and blaming everything and everyone for ruining it. You might then choose to escape through sleep, drinking, watching TV, or indulging in other distractions to forget. But then the next day arrives, and it often feels just like the one before.
 

You can justify your feelings with thoughts believing that someone who didn't like you sent bad energy your way. Alternatively, you could simply tell yourself  “F*ck off.”

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So now let me explain something: until you decide to deal with your shadows instead of choosing this same pattern, instead of facing it and choosing what to learn from them, you will continue to face different experiences that follow the same pattern, creating a vicious cycle. After all, we are not born perfect, and each experience offers a chance to gain maturity and improve yourself, becoming better.

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However, I want to clarify what I mean by "becoming better." It doesn’t refer to reaching a point where you think you’re okay but have actually built up walls and defenses, ignoring the underlying reasons for your experiences. Becoming better means learning to control your emotions so that others don't dictate how you feel or how your day unfolds.
 

You have the power to choose what to pay attention to, what to internalize, what mood you wish to project, and what to set aside. No one else has the authority to control you.

 

You are the only one who decides how to act and react, remaining calm amidst chaos.
 

It’s up to you how much you engage in arguments, escalating stress in an attempt to prove whether you are right or wrong if what is being said is fair or unfair, it's true or false. 

I understand your point as if you choose to not argue, but remain silent, or to leave a situation where you feel attacked, would that mean you agree with what's being said x something that seems unfair.

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But here's the tip:

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Whose opinion should be considered in the first place—yours or theirs?

Is it worth winning a battle that compromises your balance and will drive your day? Or should you prioritize maintaining emotional balance to make your day better?
 

After all, if you don’t care about your balance, how can you expect to have a good day or be 100% balanced to offer support to the others you care about?
 

You create your day, control your emotions, and are solely responsible for the results that follow from how you manage those emotions.
 

Embrace rejection and practice self-compassion instead of being overly critical of yourself when things go wrong. Use rejection as motivation to improve, rather than allowing it to create a resentful atmosphere around you. This resentment can lead to a vicious cycle, resulting in even more rejections.
 

Choose calm instead of set more fire, balance instead of unbalance, shift your mindset with gratitude instead angriness, start to take care about which emotions you want to feed during the day regaining your power,
 

Only you can neutralize the impact over you changing your perceptions, by practicing this mindset to avoid your ego taking control not admitting imperfections.

Recognize when you feel triggered, and choose to act based on your values prioritizing long-term peace.
 

You have a choice, the others cannot dictate your emotions, or determine your day.
 

The Flower Therapy can assist you with this mindset. Read more about it here and request support from us.